Funny bible verses

Funny Bible Verses

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Funny and Unusual Bible Verses

And the hilt also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade, for he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the dung came out. The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. Here are 23 of the best Bible jokes and riddles: Q. She lusted after their genitals — as large as those of donkeys, and their seminal emission was as strong as that of stallions. You will eat it for a whole month until you gag and are sick of it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit.

Funny bible jokes

I love you people and most of all God loves you unconditionally no matter what you think. This is because the nations around Israel were doing idol worship in sacrifing their babies and using menstrual blood before their gods. After running from God, being rescued from drowning by spending three days in a fish's belly, and then complaining that God rescued Nineveh from destruction, Jonah throws a tantrum about a vine dying because it made him so hot and uncomfortable to lose its shade. Can you remember in detail a story you heard last week from someone? I ranked them based on what I thought were the most unusual. Had John Cleese or William Shakespeare lived in the Iron Age, though, some of the Bible writers might have given him a run for his money.

Top 10 Funniest Bible Verses, Top Ten Funny Bible Verses Ever

When God told Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply. Psalm 71:16-19 Lord God, I will come in the power of your mighty acts, remembering your righteousness—yours alone. But, if he's David, who was sent after a hundred and then came back with twice that many just for the hell of it, well, you've got a love for the ages. Or consider what we find in Scripture itself keeping in mind that Scripture was inspired by God. I always imagine this person who all of a sudden gets up and starts running, glancing back as he runs, screaming.

Strange Bible Verses

It's where God is talking about the skin blemishes, and telling Moses what is clean and unclean, then how long they are unclean. Acts 20:24 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself , if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God. Live as children of light. Read before posting: 1 -. They set the ark of God on a new cart and brought it from the house of Abinadab, which was on the hill. Noah; he was floating his stock while everyone was in liquidation. You can raise all the intellectual challenges you want about faith and the origins of the universe, but at the end of the day, you have to worship the god who can set you on fire.

Top 10 Funniest Bible Verses, Top Ten Funny Bible Verses Ever

So joy will accompany him in his toil during the days of his life which God gives him on earth. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. Here are the verses that make us want to take to the streets and put some unbelievers to the sword. Romans 14:21 It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. They were so violent that no one could pass that way.

Classic: The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses

If I had a sword in my hand, I would kill you right now. Do you think that if you tell it to your kid 20 years from now you'll get it right? Uzzah and Ahio, sons of Abinadab, were guiding the new cart with the ark of God on it, and Ahio was walking in front of it. Some years ago I worked on a website called , a library of timeless quotes and stories from many traditions. But do nothing to these men because they have come under the shelter of my roof. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. When you finally do retire remember God is always with you to help and encourage you.

Funny and Unusual Bible Verses

Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible? Thank you Thank you Thank you for sharing! I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes. It turns out, the Bible is already chock full of ass kicking. Proverbs 31:6 New International Version As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. The area around Jordan the banks were always overflowing. Specifically, they sent 3,000 men. Student: So when women die they turn into a rib? His arms are wide open. She wont nag you or talk back to you either.

Funny Bible Verses

What Bible joke have you heard that we can add to the collection? What I found was that most of the Bible was neither horrible nor inspiring. They even invented the phallic obelisk to advertise it picture the Washington Monument, that's an obelisk. Some of my happiest times are laughing and joking with my loved ones. Check our and Are you planning to: click if any apply Recommended: , , , and. Exodus 16:14 When the dew was gone, thin flakes like frost on the ground appeared on the desert floor. The husband told her to show him and if it did he would make it.

Strange Bible Verses

It is a book that promotes violence, misogyny, lying and perversion. Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. God, you taught me from my youth, so I am still declaring your awesome deeds. Thinking of telling your parents? He broke all 10 commandments at once. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama.